Notre Dating

I’ve heard more often than not that the dating culture at Notre Dame, or “Notre Dating”, is unusual. I disagree though, I think the dating culture is strange in our generation, that this is a not a problem isolated to Notre Dame. The fact that we have single sex dorms, that many students identify as Catholic, or at least religious, and that we have an entire department related to gender relations may give the perception that our culture is atypical, but I’d like to offer a different conclusion: that our entire generation has lost its understanding of what it means to date.

Growing up in society today, young men and women are taught that we must go to the best college possible, focus on our careers, be leaders within our clubs or dorms and everything in between. Peer pressure teaches us that we must look like we are having a great time on the weekend, that we have to be up to date on the latest music, TV shows, celebrity scandals and make sure we have at least a couple of Instagram and SnapChat -able moments throughout the week. Young women have the added pressure of being up to date on the latest fashion trends and young men must finish the newest X-box or PlayStation game and know every possible fact about sports. Oh yea, and don’t forget about classes, you need to get straight A’s. All of this adds up to a lot of pressure, little time for sleep and even less time for relationships; it’s no wonder that we no longer know how to date, we don’t have time for it!

This mountain of pressure and stress, however, does not have the power to overtake our natural desire to love and to be loved. Instead, the pressure allows this desire to manifest itself in a way that is entirely unhealthy. Our generation has managed to replace traditional dating with hook-ups and one night stands. We have been trained to not get attached, check our emotions at the door and allow our physical desires to rule. In some ways, I would argue that we are not responsible for this mindset. We have grown up in a culture in which half of all marriages end up in divorce, we are constantly bombarded with messages from the media that relationships ought to be casual and that we are not worthy of love until we have attained bodily perfection. Yet it is childish to suggest that we are not responsible for our own actions.

In many ways you can argue that this atypical dating culture is because so many of us have grown up in broken homes or witnessed friends struggle with their family. While I think there is a prevalent misunderstanding of marriage that attributes to this culture, I also think there is a prevalent misunderstanding of dating and the goals of dating. What does it mean to date? At what point are we ready to date? And what does dating entail?

These are questions that I’ve heard professors speak about, that I’ve had discussions with friends about and that I’ve struggled to understand myself. To me, dating must have a goal, without which it loses its purpose. The goal of dating seems obvious in my mind, to find the person you are going to marry. But does this mean you have to be ready to get married before you start dating someone? I don’t think so. Marriage is the complete union of two people, it is not something that you can prepare for by yourself and so it makes no sense that you would be ready for marriage before you find someone to marry. I do think, however, that you have to be open to the possibility of marriage in the next few years before you start dating. I’ve heard a professor tell students that dating can only end two ways: in heart break or in marriage. Following this logic, we ought to be mature enough to consider the idea of marriage, otherwise we are simply on a self-destructive path. This goal, this understanding of why we want to date, seems so lost in college life today. I have heard many people say that they want a significant other and yet it seems like we don’t consider what this commitment may entail, and whether we are even ready for commitment. While there is no perfect answer, it is certainly something worth considering and taking an introspective look at, as well as a conversation worth having with friends and family, or someone you are considering dating.

This Wednesday night, Campus Ministry’s event Theology on Tap provides the perfect atmosphere to have this discussion in a relaxed atmosphere with friends and classmates. Join Bree Haler at 8pm at Legends as she discusses the two different extremes of trends in today’s romantic relationships. (All ages welcome).

One-on-One Time with God

Adoration, or Eucharistic Exposition, is often one of the most overlooked forms of prayer. Adoration is a time of silent worship and contemplation before the exposed Eucharist – the Body of our Lord. While not a sacrament itself, it is a form of prayer from which we receive great graces. When we consider what Adoration truly is, it seems that it is exactly what we are striving for in heaven – to be fully in the presence of God. Why is it, then, that we are not constantly running to Adoration? Why is it not a place we visit daily?

Adoration is a form of prayer that uniquely places an emphasis on you and your relationship with God. We are not caught up in the recitation of prayers or worrying that we remember the exact phrasing of the new mass translations, we are silent and we are solely in the focus of God. This is not to say that the rosary or the Mass are lesser forms of prayer, the mass is the greatest; rather it is to emphasize the different qualities of Adoration and to suggest that perhaps we need to start incorporating this form of prayer into our faith lives as well.

In some ways we can think of our relationship with God as a child in a large family. Being in a large family is fantastic – I can attest to this fact being from a family of seven children! There are many perks to being in a large family, there is always someone around to help you out or to go along with your stupid ideas. However, just like coming from a small family, that one-on-one relationship with your parents is so important and helps you grow like no other relationship can. In our faith lives, we need to make sure that we make time for that one on one relationship, time to seek God in the quiet and still and to focus just on you and Him.

Attending a half hour or hour of Adoration can oftentimes be difficult for us. We are so used to constantly being entertained-- texting, calling, FB updates, tweets and music! We have been trained to hate the silence and to never purposely “go off the grid” and not check our phones for an entire hour! In the beginning of this semester I realized that I did not start classes on Tuesday and Thursday until 12:30pm. While it sounds like every college student’s dream, I knew I’d have a hard time being productive before class if I didn’t have an extra motivating factor. Having heard about adoration sign-ups last year I decided to give it a try this year and sign up for a Thursday morning slot to at least get my day started a little earlier. In the beginning, I had a very hard time concentrating. Not sure what to do for an entire thirty minutes, I tried to completely rid my mind – it did not work very well, I tend to overanalyze just about everything. I cannot tell you exactly what it is that has kept me coming back, except that I knew I had an obligation to be there since I had signed up. I can, however, attest to the fact that I’ve always left feeling better and I’ve come to look forward to that silent time, a time of reflection and listening. As I continually try to unravel my thoughts into a cohesive prayer, I’ve come to realize that the beauty of Adoration is that we don’t have to come before God as something that we are not. We should bring all our worries, our troubles, and our exciting news, and we should lay it before the Lord. This is not to say that we should not try to focus on the Eucharist but that we should approach this time with God as a time to stop, tell God what is on our mind, and listen to what He has to say – just as we would with a parent.

Mother Teresa was perhaps one of the biggest advocates of Adoration. She once said, “Jesus has made Himself the Bread of Life to give us life. Night and day, He is there.  If you really want to grow in love, come back to the Eucharist, come back to that Adoration.The time you spend with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament is the best time you will spend on earth.  Each moment that you spend with Jesus will deepen your union with Him and make your soul everlastingly more glorious and beautiful in Heaven, and will help bring about everlasting peace on earth.”

Together, we should challenge ourselves and our friends to spend this time with Jesus – to take time out of our hectic schedules so that we too can better understand His love and His path for our lives.

Adoration is available on campus Monday – Thursday: 10 a.m. – 7 p.m. (Coleman-Morse Chapel) and
Friday: 12 – 5 p.m. (Basilica, Lady Chapel)